Mission for tonight is that I have to kill. Kill. Kill...a mouse. Bloody thing has been running amok for ages, Caught one about 6 weeks ago but this one is like Houdini, or Darcy Dugan, so now there are 4 baits and 3 traps out, laid with military precision. Looks like it ate from 2 baits last night...once of which was in the fucking stove...where I had seen mouse shit...yes it just gets worse. Anyway it's extermination day for Mickey. Or Minnie. Just have to remember to clear it all up before letting the dog out in the morning. Or the boy of course but he's smarter than the dog.
What else can I prognosticate on? Or is that ponder, preach, puzzle, or many other 'p' words?
Cask wine. Great invention or sinister plot? I only drink the good 2 litre stuff ouf course, I'm a connoisseur dontcha know.
Empty wine glass? definitely a sinister plot. I'll foil it though. Fools, I'll show them. I'll show them all, mwah hah hah hah hah hah.
hmm, five minutes and no mouse. I've seen the little fucker heaps of times in the last few weeks, scuttling about in his mousey little way. Not so little really, he's been on a good wicket by the looks of things. Mrs Stormy was a-sittin' on the toilet the other night, left the bathroom door open, and saw "a big fat mouse" slink by. I'd only seen him in the kitchen, well once in the loungeroom but I am out here more often, on account of the computer and all the food. Saturday night I opened the cupboard under the sink to put something in the bin (one of those swingy-outy-when-you-open-the-cupboard-doory ones) and out popped Mr Mouse, before ducking under the dishwasher. Your correspondent was only mildly startled, due to being supremely intoxicated, so it was very Steve Austin slow motion, "f-a-a-a-a-a-a-r-k" and dropping whatever I was holding. In the bin though so that was a win.
However, M. O. Use sealed his doom, revealing one of his hideouts as he bolted under said dishwasher. Like the Hole In The Wall Gang, whom he may well know, he'd led the bloke in the white hat - Joe LaFors to you - to his lair. Down went the bait and yep it had been nibbled this morning too. Even though it managed to get the bread off all three traps without tripping them. Clever...but not clever enough.
I can hear it under the fucking fridge now. Well I can hear something which has a distinctly nibbly sound, either it's a mouse or a mother of a cockroach. Lucky my Nanna isn't here. Well two reasons really, one she had a total mouse phobia and the other, she's been dead at least 16 years.
should probably go to bed but I'd hate to disappoint my public if I did so and Mousey Mouse decided to pop out and dice with death. Guess what Mousey, 7 or 11, snake eyes watchin' you.
Right, I'm quoting Lemmy at an unseen rodent. Could be time to tackle that other wine cask, the unopened one. No I have not cleaned one out tonight. Just finished it off.
Wine o'clock, as usual here's a picture to entertain you while I'm gone.
I'm ba-ack. Or Ace Frehley sang, "I'm back, back in the New York Groove". Apparently his was the best of the 4 x solo KISS albums in the 70s, which is a bit like saying "that was one of my best bowel movements", they did not have the talent to get through a whole decent group album let alone dividing by 4.
The pic is me, my lovely and very pregnant wife, and most of my best friends.
Right it's quarter to eleven and the nibbling sounds have ceased. No appearance, Your Worship, of Mr Mouse. Called three times loudly in the foyer. Perhaps if I bugger off for a ciggie he'll come and meet an untimely fate.
it won't let me put this in the labels for this post, but DIE MOUSE DIE !!!
Or, as Iron Maiden would have put it, had they written about hunting mice in their kitchen rather than waiting to be executed...
"I'm waiting in my kitchen
and the mouse begins to nibble
If I drink much more cask wine
I'll begin to dribble
Yes there was no link
But with nibble, I had to rhyme
Now this silly gets, it must be
Closing Time
Closing Ti-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ime, yeahhhh"
(cue absolutely awesome riff which also has little to do with mice)
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